Outrageous cigar descriptions

[cbsmokin]

This thread http://www.cigarasylum.com/vb/showthread.php?t=20571 got me thinking.

Lets try and think up the most outrageous "positive" cigar descriptions and/or promotion statements.

I'll start:

"These sticks are so good they'll make you slap your Momma!"

[av8tor152d]

"This smoke is like a little slice of heaven, with a shot of fire on the side"
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[leasingthisspace]

Close your eyes and imagine the most perfect looking rolled cigars, these are not them but they are smokable.