Texts From Last Night....a website

[mrreindeer]

Warning: If you're easily offended, this might not be for you.

http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

Pretty hysterical stuff.

[mrreindeer]

(410): You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpe$ is gone.


:r:r:r

[Scottw]

fookin' funny bro!

[Mugen910]

(859): Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
(502): Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?


ROFL

[mrreindeer]

(859): Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
(502): Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?


ROFL

hahahahaaha.....

(908): the vacuum is drunk
(703): what?
(908): i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk

[mrreindeer]

(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever

[mrreindeer]

(714): OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign

[mrreindeer]

(714): I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your sh!tty personality.

[WildBlueSooner]

:r some of those are classic...I think I could add to that site!

[md4958]

(617): Oh sh!t, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

how do i get this girls number??

[mrreindeer]

:r some of those are classic...I think I could add to that site!

Do it, do it!

(617): Oh sh!t, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

how do i get this girls number??

Well Moe - She's a Ma$$hole...can't be too hard... :D

[357]

(843): I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.

:r:r

[Mugen910]

(212): so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."

OMG :pu

[mrreindeer]

Omg omg omg

[md4958]

heres one for Dunng

(206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

[357]

(603): Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
(1-603): No...more like a life jacket.

I think we've all been there...

[mrreindeer]

Hahahahah, on both of those.

[-MG-]

:r:r:r

Thanks for the laugh, the site's making its way around work now :D

[Mugen910]

(405): Yeah, i think she was German or something.
(1-405): No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.

So mean but funny!

[357]

(973): haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
(630): savin' lives aint cheap

[MedicCook]

(617): Oh sh!t, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

how do i get this girls number??

How do you know it was a girl? :r

[mrreindeer]

(603): I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.

[357]

I admit it took me a minute to get this one...

(602): how was that guy you hooked up with?
(415): i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing

[dunng]

heres one for Dunng

(206): Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals

So true... :D
Posted via Mobile Device

[mrreindeer]

I admit it took me a minute to get this one...

(602): how was that guy you hooked up with?
(415): i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing

:r:r:r

[md4958]

How do you know it was a girl? :r

:lv

[LooseCard]

(617): Oh sh!t, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises

how do i get this girls number??

I don't think that it would be a good idea for you to meat her.

[adampc22]

lol funny

[King James]

(832): I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.

hahahaha

[LooseCard]

(614): I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.


What Area Code is Greg's phone????

[357]

(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

[Mugen910]

(603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

HAHA that's New Hampshire area code!!

[kaisersozei]

Couple that :r

(323): I'm being pulled over???
(520): For what!?!?!
(323): ??? I'm in a cab!!!!!


and


(301): Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!

[357]

I know I've posted a ton of these but I can't help it. It's hilarious..

(212): dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
(1-212): idk but i think it had a face

[Mugen910]

oh man sooo wrong!! :r

[mrreindeer]

omg omg, all of them, awesome

[WildBlueSooner]

I don't think that it would be a good idea for you to meat her.

Please tell me that is an intentional pun :r

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(845): Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo





----------------
Now playing: Zac Brown Band - Toes (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/zac+brown+band/track/toes)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(617): So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.


(513): Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?




----------------
Now playing: Zac Brown Band - Toes (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/zac+brown+band/track/toes)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[ahc4353]

:hm

(413): Wow you were great! I thought girls were good but man!
(413): Thanks, wanna ask Vin to join us next time?

[mrreindeer]

:hm

(413): Wow you were great! I thought girls were good but man!
(413): Thanks, wanna ask Vin to join us next time?

Oh jeez....where is Vin btw....

(313): All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
(517): Maybe you should learn how to spell write first

[kaisersozei]

(313): All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
(517): Maybe you should learn how to spell write first

:r

(805): Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
(1-805): Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.

:fu

[mrreindeer]

Hahahaha, great minds think alike, eh Gerard? :D

[kaisersozei]

Hahahaha, great minds think alike, eh Gerard? :D

:tu

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(512): I pooped in a mop bucket.
(1-512): WTF???
(512): Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that

LMAO!

(817): She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
(1-817): OMG. What did u say?
(817): I told her I did too.

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(323): just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo




----------------
Now playing: Brad Paisley & Keith Urban - Start A Band (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/brad+paisley+%26+keith+urban/track/start+a+band)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[Smokin Gator]

LOL... this site is classic:

(401): my mouth tastes like poor choices

[mrreindeer]

lol... This site is classic:

(401): My mouth tastes like poor choices

awesome

[357]

That one is hilarious..

More:
(859): I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
(1-859): Thanks for throwing up on me.

[Smokin Gator]

603): Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
(1-603) Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know

[Smokin Gator]

(847): Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.

[Smokin Gator]

Not a good day...

(856): My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(704): Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light

(517): I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.

(609): i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day




----------------
Now playing: Jake Owen - Something About A Woman (http://www.foxytunes.com/artist/jake+owen/track/something+about+a+woman)
via FoxyTunes (http://www.foxytunes.com/signatunes/)

[Smokin Gator]

(818): Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.

I gotta stop looking!!!

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(801): hey, what are you doing tonight?
(646): sleeping, g'night!
(801): but i wanted to see you :(
(646): sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
(646): stop - you have a right hand - use it!

I cant believe I just read every text...lol fml

[357]

This one is pretty bad...

(817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.

[Smokin Gator]

One last one...

(919): I need help removing her.

[mrreindeer]

(801): hey, what are you doing tonight?
(646): sleeping, g'night!
(801): but i wanted to see you :(
(646): sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
(646): stop - you have a right hand - use it!

I cant believe I just read every text...lol fml

Haahaahaha.... :r

This one is pretty bad...

(817): I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.

Oooooof.

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(954): the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.


They keep gettin better!

[mojo65]

(618): do you remember what downloading p**n with a 14k modem was like?

:r:al

[SixPackSunday]

I've been addicted to this site ever since crystal showed it to me. LOVE IT

[WildBlueSooner]

I've been addicted to this site ever since crystal showed it to me. LOVE IT

:tpd: Some hilarious stuff there!

[SixPackSunday]

a couple of funny ones:
(810): oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a ****o

(480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

(214): I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute

and one I have def sent myself in the past:
(970): Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad

[spectrrr]

(845): Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo

been there, done that.....




:lv

[DPD6030]

(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events

[DPD6030]

(503): PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
(515): Ur type is ready and willing

[DPD6030]

(508): So how was he last night?
(617): Five-minute foot-long.

[DPD6030]

(406): So, how was the dinner
(1-406): Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.

[DPD6030]

(205): Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.

[DPD6030]

(970): Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.

[DPD6030]

(310): I understand how i **** in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them :pu

[TheRealBonger]

(208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
:r

[mrreindeer]

:r:r:r

[spooble]

(315): covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly




hahahaha

[mrreindeer]

(419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to d!ck slap a girl.

[mrreindeer]

(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.

[mrreindeer]

(709): i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up

[mrreindeer]

ugh....now I'm addicted to it again....I can't stop

[LooseCard]

Dude!

You're killin me with these!!!

[white_s2k]

(419): I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to d!ck slap a girl.

:r :r :r

[LooseCard]

(212): ??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
(415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
:dance: :r

[357]

I couldn't help but revive this thread...


(321): I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.

[357]

(917): omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
(310): Whats your twitter name

[GreekGodX]

I've been looking at this website for the past half hour, I cannot believe I didn't see this earlier :r

(214): I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse

[GreekGodX]

(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

[smitdavi]

(843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true

:r :r

[357]

(218): No, computers are like whores. moody *****es that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus

[elderboy02]

(1-209): nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all

LOL :r

[elderboy02]

(614): Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.

[357]

(202): Did you just throw up mid-sentence?

[357]

(301): She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
(301): but she's really nice

[357]

(541): so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested

[smitdavi]

(662): I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
(662): He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
(1-662): You have my attention.

One of my faves :r :r

[357]

(805): she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu

[357]

(507): I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today

[LooseCard]

(818): Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
(770): I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.

[mrreindeer]

(507): I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today

Love it.

(419): with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter

[smitdavi]

I'm addicted to this site. It's so damn funny

[357]

I'm addicted to this site. It's so damn funny

I am too. I look forward to checking for new posts each morning.

[shilala]

(859): im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That is perfect. I think I said that. roffles

[mrreindeer]

That is perfect. I think I said that. roffles

:r:r

I am too. I look forward to checking for new posts each morning.

Me too, same with GHM....PM me if you don't know what that is & want to know.

[357]

(978): i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened



:r:r:r

[357]

(440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
(216): ... about that ...

[357]

(918): Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
(918): And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.

[mojo65]

(989): Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.:jd

(818): Jake died.
(310): WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
(818): Oops typo. Jake cried.
:r

[galaga]

(918): Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance

How'd Tom get on there??!!

[PeteSB75]

(678): why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
(770): I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle

Funny chit

[mrreindeer]

Hahahaha, those are great....

And this one too.

(440): thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
(216): ... about that ...

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(317): I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

[WildBlueSooner]

(317): I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people

:r:r:r

[pnoon]

Nice review.

[Genetic Defect]

(208): Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.

I wonder if Advil PM works as well

[smokeyandthebandit05]

(631): dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.

[Genetic Defect]

(857): seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my ****s into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

[spooble]

(206): I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
(425): There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian

[WildBlueSooner]

:r (425): my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

[WildBlueSooner]

(301): He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.

Hahahah too damn funny :r

[spooble]

(509): woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach

[WildBlueSooner]

(609): ignore voicemail. the **** hath been unblocked.

[kaisersozei]

(312): dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
(847): details on that.
(312): well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.


:r

[mrreindeer]

Okay, here's my only beef with this site. I submitted two of my own and was DENIED.

From last Friday, 5/15:

(310): on our way in...Amy just saw a girl in a bikini driving a tractor
(724): i wanted pictures. bummer - i'm just playin i see that everyday
(310): in that case I'm movin' here & buying farm equipment

And later that night after a full on brawl broke out right next to my seat in the teppanyaki restaurant on Pittsburgh's South Side (took 4 minutes to split these 2 guys up...even with me attempting the death grip on the attacker):

(724): sup bro home sweet home - sooo full - passing oout talk to tomorrow- wanna fight
(310): I fight u fool...sup...sooo fulll...only thing I fight is the toilet
(310): & I think that's one for the blog

[kaisersozei]

(774): i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...








(which got this response in the comments: :r)

Anonymous said...
I think it is safe to say that the world sees you as a whore.
May 26, 2009 10:07PM

[mrreindeer]

Hahahahahaa......rolling.

[Cigary]

Hilarious,,,just put this in my favorites and wasted about an hour reading all I could.

[GreekGodX]

(412): The guy next to me is watching ****. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT ****.

I see this all the time at school. It is so obvious because the guys doing it will look at everyone that passes by :r No way they can enjoy it being so paranoid.