View Full Version : BEST PICK-UP LINES....ever
mrreindeer
03-13-2009, 02:02 PM
Okay, so I'm old & married but I thought us senior citizens could lend a hand & help out the younger BOTL's with some of our best pick-up lines.
So I'll go first:
"Hey, there's a party in your shoes and your pants are invited to come on down!"
Look, it got me married & expecting a kid didn't it? Okay, not that one but you know, I'm full of 'em.
Mugen910
03-13-2009, 02:02 PM
Me: Did it hurt?!?!?
Her: Huh?
Me: When you fell from heaven!
If I said you have an awesome body...would you hold it against me?
If we went alone to the woods and I made a move would you tell anyone?
Are your pants made of mirrors? I can see myself in them.
Does you face hurt? Cuz it's killing me! :r (not really a pickup line)
Me: You are mean!!!
Her: Why?
Me: I can already see you breaking my heart!
massphatness
03-13-2009, 02:11 PM
Me: It's a good thing Bao has a girlfriend.
Mugen910
03-13-2009, 02:13 PM
Me: It's a good thing Bao has a girlfriend.
true!!! I'd still be a virgin like Mr. Reindeer.. :(
Nabinger16
03-13-2009, 02:13 PM
If you were a screen door, I would slam you all night long!
You must be a General, cause you're making my privates stand at attention!
mrreindeer
03-13-2009, 02:18 PM
From the AWESOME T.V. show "Millionaire Matchmaker"....something along the lines of:
Guy: "Hi, you know, not to brag or anything, but I've got a LOT of money. Do you like to go shopping? Because I like to pamper a woman and take her shopping and give her the enjoyment that I receive being in her company. And some guys really mind if it seems you're after their money. I don't. You don't have to do anything like cooking or cleaning, you can just spend my money. And I have a lot of it."
Girl: "But I like to cook and clean."
Guy: "Oh, well, you don't have to, is all I'm saying."
Ok, now youngins...I'm not suggesting you use this line. No, definitely don't use this line.
mrreindeer
03-13-2009, 02:19 PM
true!!! I'd still be a virgin like Mr. Reindeer.. :(
:c
Okay, it's true. And Mean D is the father of our child, I guess.
Mugen910
03-13-2009, 02:21 PM
:c
Okay, it's true. And Mean D is the father of our child, I guess.
that poor poor child...didn't even have a chance at a good looks then..
You must be a speeding ticket...because you got FINE written all over you!!
:tu
LookAtBigErn82
03-13-2009, 02:33 PM
"Lets go back to my place and play army. I'll lay down and you can blow me away."
"If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, would it be ok if I came and visited you during the holidays?"
You must be milk, cuz you do my body good!
I feel a little dirty now...:lv
MedicCook
03-13-2009, 02:35 PM
I was always partial to Butthead's pick up line.
"Hey baby! I got a beer!"
Nabinger16
03-13-2009, 02:41 PM
This one always cracked me up.
Wanna come back to my house and do some Maths? You can add the bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and we'll multiply.
Commander Quan
03-13-2009, 02:47 PM
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really we'll, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
GKitty
03-13-2009, 02:50 PM
...
:lv
...
:lv
It's amazing we can even reproduce based on these, isn't it?:r
MedicCook
03-13-2009, 03:04 PM
A wedding ring and pictures of kids also seems to work... so I have heard.
skullnrose
03-13-2009, 03:10 PM
For the record I am not Fred Flintstone but I sure would love to make your Bedrock!
Hot buns... and I know this ain't no bakery
karmaz00
03-13-2009, 03:19 PM
some good ones
tunes
03-13-2009, 03:34 PM
Using your index finger to call her over say; I made you come with one finger, imagine what I could do with my whole hand.
and in honor of the up coming holiday - I'm Irish. Do you have any Irish in you? Would you like some? :D
tobii3
03-13-2009, 03:48 PM
"If your left leg is Thanksgiving and your right leg is Christmas, would it be ok if I came and visited you during the holidays?"
BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS!!!
Damn...you young'ns can't get a simple pickup line right!!!
:r
tunes
03-13-2009, 03:49 PM
BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS!!!
Damn...you young'ns can't get a simple pickup line right!!!
:r
:r:r:r:r
WildBlueSooner
03-13-2009, 03:58 PM
- Your Dad must be a farmer..cause you have some great melons!
-Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
-I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
-If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
-Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
- Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
MithShrike
03-13-2009, 04:16 PM
Hey you're taller than I am, wanna ****?
That worked for me once. Seriously.
Cigary
03-13-2009, 06:44 PM
Do you work at subway??? because you just gave me a footlong!!!
i’m blind, can you hold my stick and show me where to go?
Do u work for Cingular? Cuz you’re raising my bar.
BamBam
03-13-2009, 06:59 PM
The word of the day is "Legs"...spread the word
smokeyandthebandit05
03-13-2009, 07:03 PM
Man I love these!!! Keep em comin, Im taking notes!
CBI_2
03-13-2009, 07:31 PM
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really we'll, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
Dang! Supposed to be trying to pick her up not put her to sleep. :dance: :D
My wife says with all of these lines in this thread, it's a wonder anyone ever got any.
You may like: "The only thing your eyes haven't told me is your name."
Sailkat
03-13-2009, 07:40 PM
:sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep:
GreekGodX
03-13-2009, 08:03 PM
Walk up to a woman, check the label of her shirt. "Ahah, just as I thought, MADE IN HEAVEN"!
Hey baby your ass looks like a keg, how bout you let me tap that!
GUY: *make sound like an ambulance
Girl: What is that noise?
GUY: It's the ambulance coming to pick me up because you took my breath away.
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes.
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together.
Do you know what'd look good on you? Me.
And my all time favorite.
I only have 3 months to live..
Kreth
03-13-2009, 08:09 PM
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
MedicCook
03-13-2009, 08:11 PM
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
We have a winner!!
Curly Cut
03-13-2009, 08:14 PM
It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.
:tu
-----
wanna go halves on a bastard?
replicant_argent
03-13-2009, 08:17 PM
when you go to the State Fair....
Look around......
Look at all the kids...
With hideous desperate mommies....
and you know why some of these work......
:D
- Your Dad must be a farmer..cause you have some great melons!
-Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
-I lost my virginity. Can I have yours?
-If I had AIDS, would you have sex with me? [No] Well, I don't, so let's go.
-Do you have any Italian in you? Would you like some?
- Oh, you're a bird watcher. [Pull out your dong] Well, would you take this for a swallow?
That's sweet! I'm still laughing my ass off! :r:r
ahc4353
03-13-2009, 08:19 PM
:sleep: :sleep: :sleep: :sleep:
OK sleepy, let's hear from a women what works. :D
macpappy
03-13-2009, 09:20 PM
Who needs pickup lines?
Three weeks ago my son and I go out for a drink at a local bar. We sit down, light our cigars and 20 minutes later a women who claimed she was a professional barrel racer sat down next to me and tried to pick me up. She started by saying, "That cigar smells good..."
Last week, my son and I went to a different bar. Grabbed a table in the corner and a pitcher of beer. The table next to us has a really hot brunette with very nice tattoos covering parts of her body made visible by a very low cut crop top t-shirt. When her boyfriend leaves, she turns around, puts her hands on my leg and tells me she likes my cigar and my t-shirt (I was wearing a freaking t-shirt I bought at wally word, for gods sake).
It must have been the cigars....
replicant_argent
03-13-2009, 09:23 PM
Who needs pickup lines?
Three weeks ago my son and I go out for a drink at a local bar. We sit down, light our cigars and 20 minutes later a women who claimed she was a professional barrel racer sat down next to me and tried to pick me up. She started by saying, "That cigar smells good..."
Last week, my son and I went to a different bar. Grabbed a table in the corner and a pitcher of beer. The table next to us has a really hot brunette with very nice tattoos covering parts of her body made visible by a very low cut crop top t-shirt. When her boyfriend leaves, she turns around, puts her hands on my leg and tells me she likes my cigar and my t-shirt (I was wearing a freaking t-shirt I bought at wally word, for gods sake).
It must have been the cigars....
I thought they just made gas pumps prepay.....;)
DrDubzz
03-13-2009, 10:57 PM
uh... is your father a meat burgler?
cause it looks like he stole two fine hams and stuck them in the back of your pants
- Leon Phelps
mrreindeer
03-16-2009, 11:17 AM
Okay, so I came over here to ask you to dance, but I'm kind of concerned. I mean, we could hit it off really we'll, end up having a few drinks, next thing you know you're giving me your number because I'm too shy to ask for it, I finally get up the nerve to call and we take in a movie, have some dinner, I relax, you relax, we go out a few more times, get to know each other's friends, spend a lot of time together, then finally have get past this sexual tension and really develop this intense sex life that is truly incredible, decide our relationship is solid and stable, so we move in together for a while, then a few months later get married, I get a promotion, you get a promotion, we buy a bigger house. You really want kids, but I really want freedom, but we have a kid anyway, only to find that I am resentful, the sparks start to fade and to rekindle them we have two more lovely kids, but now I work too much to keep up with the bills, have no time for you, you're stressed and stop taking really good care of yourself, so to get past our slow sex life and my declining self-confidence I turn to an outside affair for sexual gratification. You find out because I'm careless and a lousy liar, you throw me out (justifiably so) and we have to explain to the kids why mommy and daddy are splitting up. That's just too sad. Think about the children. For God's sake, if you dance with me and we hit it off, let's just keep it sexual, because we both know where it's going.
I love it. :r:r
BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS!!!
Damn...you young'ns can't get a simple pickup line right!!!
:r
-Hey, you wanna do a 68? You go down on me, and I'll owe you one.
Too damn funny! I've never heard this one!
ade06
03-16-2009, 11:26 AM
I got my own trailer...
(A girl I knew in college told me someone hit her with that one and no, it did not work)
TheRealBonger
03-16-2009, 11:57 AM
How much does a penguin weigh? Just enough to break the ice.
GhostRyder
03-16-2009, 04:06 PM
"Pursuant to Megan's Law, I am obligated to tell you that I am a convicted sex offender."
Props to Tucker Max... I laughed so hard when I read that he actually used this line on a girl.
tobii3
03-16-2009, 04:15 PM
Using the guise of plausible denial....
""Nice a$$....get in the truck""
And I can neither confirm nor deny that it works.
:D
WildBlueSooner
03-16-2009, 04:20 PM
I have some more....
-Can I read your T shirt in brail?
- Do you believe in the hereafter? Well, then I guess you know what I’m here after.
- You've got 206 bones in your body. Want one more?
- I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bed rock
-Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.
- I'm a necrophiliac. How good are you at playing dead?
:)
LooseCard
03-16-2009, 07:15 PM
Who needs pickup lines?
Three weeks ago my son and I go out for a drink at a local bar. We sit down, light our cigars and 20 minutes later a women who claimed she was a professional barrel racer sat down next to me and tried to pick me up. She started by saying, "That cigar smells good..."
Last week, my son and I went to a different bar. Grabbed a table in the corner and a pitcher of beer. The table next to us has a really hot brunette with very nice tattoos covering parts of her body made visible by a very low cut crop top t-shirt. When her boyfriend leaves, she turns around, puts her hands on my leg and tells me she likes my cigar and my t-shirt (I was wearing a freaking t-shirt I bought at wally word, for gods sake).
It must have been the cigars....
I just want to know what you've been smoking...???!!!!:tu
hotreds
03-16-2009, 07:24 PM
I'm getting old! If I had used most of those in my day I would be sitting in jail now!
Sailchaser
03-16-2009, 07:25 PM
Have you ever seen the fore peak of an ocean racer
macpappy
03-16-2009, 07:50 PM
I just want to know what you've been smoking...???!!!!:tu
Illusione 888. Both times.
Joseph
08-21-2009, 03:07 PM
the next time a girl touches you like that look in her eyes...
you'll see dollar signs floating around :P
SchizoFilly
08-21-2009, 03:25 PM
That (dress, shirt, bikini, or whatever she's wearing) is very becoming on you....of course if I was on you I'd be cumming too
If we were both squirrels would you let me bust my nut in your hole?
never worked for me, but your results may vary
kydsid
08-21-2009, 03:27 PM
Ever ride a fat boy?.....................................Want too?
CBI_2
08-23-2009, 09:36 AM
Did you fart? Because you blew me away.
CBI_2
08-23-2009, 09:39 AM
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
BlackDog
08-23-2009, 09:50 AM
For the record I am not Fred Flintstone but I sure would love to make your Bedrock!
:r :r :r
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
:r:r:rNICE!!!!
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
:r
I think this might be the funniest post I've ever read on CA.
Bill86
09-21-2010, 02:44 PM
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
This is the only one that works 90%+ of the time.....never tried it...but how could it fail.
I've heard nearly all of these, some from carlin, some from movies.
Montano
09-21-2010, 02:48 PM
You must be a speeding ticket...because you got FINE written all over you!!
:tu
:r :r :r
Mugen910
09-21-2010, 02:54 PM
Hi, did you know I am the world greatest tongue wrestler...want a title match?
pektel
09-21-2010, 03:05 PM
I don't use pick up lines. When I was 21, I came up with a great idea (what I thought was a great idea, anyways): read cosmo. There's always articles in there about how a woman can tell if you're good in bed. It gives her things to look for. Just do those things. You know how many women read cosmo? I swear, it's like cheating.
landhoney
09-21-2010, 03:08 PM
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Winner, winner, chicken dinner. :r
Gophernut
09-21-2010, 03:10 PM
I might not be the best looking guy in this bar, but I'm the only one talking to you. What do you say?
Mugen910
09-21-2010, 03:19 PM
I might not be the best looking guy in this bar, but I'm the only one talking to you. What do you say?
so wrong!!! :r
markem
09-21-2010, 03:28 PM
Here's the place Bao keeps on speed dial. Rumor has it that he is partial to the Harry Potter pickup lines
http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com/
:r :r
holli4pirating
09-21-2010, 04:06 PM
Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?
Say hello to the Ether Bunny...
theonlybear4CORT
09-21-2010, 05:13 PM
did NASA make your pants, cuz your ass is out if this world.
CBI_2
09-21-2010, 06:33 PM
I don't use pick up lines. When I was 21, I came up with a great idea (what I thought was a great idea, anyways): read cosmo. There's always articles in there about how a woman can tell if you're good in bed. It gives her things to look for. Just do those things. You know how many women read cosmo? I swear, it's like cheating.
:r:r:r Reminds me of Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge.
Mugen910
09-21-2010, 07:04 PM
Here's the place Bao keeps on speed dial. Rumor has it that he is partial to the Harry Potter pickup lines
http://www.pickuplinesgalore.com/
:r :r
some great lines there! :tu
Are you a chicken farmer? No? Cuz you sure know how to raise c0x :r
nomadicwookie
09-22-2010, 08:51 AM
Hey wanna get a pizza go back to my place & have sex... what you don't like pizza?
That one actually worked for my old roommate. He didn't get to ask her if she liked pizza she just said sure.
BeerAdvocate
09-22-2010, 09:59 AM
How do you scare a bee?
(you then grab the womens breast and say) Boo-Bee
Da Klugs
09-22-2010, 10:31 AM
Hey my mom has that dress. :)
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